Sunday, October 14

The Glamor of Travel

I think this is my 5th time in Toronto. I've yet to see anything except an airport hotel and a grubby out of town print shop.

Last time I was here was 7/7/05. The day the bombs went off in London.

I flew here tonight, and it didn't start all that well.

The elevators in Logan have jungle noises piped in. How long has that been going on?


I booked with United but should have spotted that the flight was with Air Canada. Logan being Logan, United and Air Canada are in different terminals.

A brisk walk later I check in and go through security (the nicest TSA guy I have ever witnessed).

Air Canada have there own little space with one TV and a woman serving coffee and apples.

Football is on, so I've no interest there, and I'm not a fan of apples either.

Read my book. Notice a lot of lesbians are on my flight?

On the plane and yippee, the seats are huge. I get 'sports guy' sat next to me, who keeps checking his phone throughout the flight.

He borrows my pen to fill in the customs form and doesn't give me my pen back. Finally I ask and he looks surprised like I had gifted the pen to him. Knob.

Notice everyone watches the latest Die Hard movie on their seat back TV. Don't bother as I know the flight is only 90 minutes long, and sure enough 15 minutes out from Toronto the TVs switch off and everyone is pissed (even some of the lesbians).

Disembark and pick a line in passport control.

Pick wrong one.

15 minutes later I finally get to the front of the line.

"What kind of business brings you in for just one day?"

7 questions later including "Why would they send a British guy" and I'm through.

Then customs stop me. "No bags Sir?"

Even the Information woman was pissy.

On my previous 4 visits I stayed at the Sheraton which is actually a part of the airport. You just cross the road.

Tonight however I am in the Novotel, just past the chain steak house, airport strip joint and before "Moore's Clothing for Men", who's windows are full of creepy tuxedo'd mannequins staring at me.

Check in, and have ultimately futile conversation with check in guy about requiring a taxi tomorrow.

Need food.

Go back downstairs and have best Croque Monsiuer I have ever had outside of France. How 'bout that? They serve wine and liqueur, but no beer. Strange.

A vegetarian woman starts talking to me. Finally understands that I don't want to speak to her after my 10th one word reply.

Here's my favorite thing about Canada. They have Cadbury's! And it's stuff you don't even get in England.

Sorry if that's offensive to Canadians, but take a ticket and stand behind the lesbians.

So it's late and I'm not sure when the printer will call. I'm guessing 4am, because they're shits. They hate people coming in to do approvals so they schedule them at awful times of the day.

Oh the TV just turned itself off.

Think that might be a sign.

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