Thursday, December 20

Copper Colored Kettles

Apparently you should jot down a list of your favorite things whenever you are in the mood to vent a little bile.

So here goes! A list of things I enjoyed on our holiday to Mexico. I threw in a few grumbles to flesh it all out.

Houston to Acapulco; some old geezer stole my aisle seat. He said he needed access to the toilet. The bastard didn't get up once during the whole flight! Redemption came in the form of the old man's safari suit he wore. Very dapper indeed.

The Customs Form you fill in on the airplane flying into Mexico states that you can only bring in ONE of the following. In case the photo is too small here's a selection: A typewriter, a pair of binoculars, 2 laser disks, a tent, 2 tennis rackers, a TV smaller than 12".

The Acapulco baggage reclaim and Customs hall is simple. An x-ray machine and a huge 20" diameter comedy-style button. You hit the button and if the buzzer goes off 2 women with plastic gloves check the contents of your bag.

Working the odds, I'm guessing you have a 1 in 8 chance of having your bag checked. Hey, guess which 64-1 shot has had their bags checked 2 years running? Meanwhile the drug mule behind me walked thru'. And what a walk thru'. Once outside Customs there's a scrum of taxi driver/time share guys selling you their wares.

Escaping the scrum and surviving the shock of wonderful humid heat (coming from a Boston winter), we were ferried from the airport to our hotel in a minivan with 3 other couples. There's a patch of Acapulco in between the luxury developments that is the 'real' Acapulco. That's English 'real', not Spanish 'Real'.

The area includes a roundabout / rotary / circle, that has no rules. 7 roads converge on this one space and you can drive on whatever side of the road you want. Generally the bigger trucks seem to do best, but there's always some crazy young latino with a pencil mustache on a scooter slaloming through the melée. Or a car full of nuns. Ironically they did not have a prayer.

What's better than falling asleep, outside at night, on your own balcony bed? Sure, I was bitten 27 times on the legs by red ants, but hey, after the 6-pack abs, my legs ARE my best feature™!

Flicking through the TV channels, we stumbled on CNN who were playing a Amy Winehouse video. We spent the next 17 hours believing she had died.

To be clear, Amy's death would not be good (she's currently 24 so she has three more years before she can join The 27 Club of Jimi, Janis, Jim and Kurt), but her fake death did display just how good it was to be starved of useless media for a while (such as pointless blogs ...).

Believe it or not, the Acapulco Wal-Mart is awesome! I'm no fan of it's US counterpart but the Mexicans do it with style. It seems at the end of every aisle there is a young woman selling/promoting a product. I saw a woman dressed as the Energizer Bunny and 2 women selling douche products. We had a great conversation with a rep. regarding Coppertone sun lotion. She couldn't speak English and my awful Spanish hadn't kicked in (it takes about 24 hours before I start speaking any foreign language). Despite the linguistic incompatibilities, we managed to work out that Anne and I needed sun protection. Protection so thick that the next step would be to wear an anorak. Elsewhere we taste-tested guacamole, were offered tours of the area, and even had our bags packed by a little boy named Pico who bagged better than anyone at Whole Foods.

BubuLubu - a chocolate covered marshmallow treat. Damn those were good.

We filled in a Customer Survey and were gifted a set of beautiful 'Las Brisas' face-cloths. Kind of feel bad for stealing the toothbrush now.

We both felt slightly uncomfortable living 4 days of our life in such luxury, but compare that to the rich and spoiled over-medicated woman we shared a jeep ride with. She hated every little bump in the road and appeared to be allergic to sunlight. Poor dear.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The post apocalypse journey of a child and his soon-to-die father may be no laugh-fest, but on a sun-lounger with a six pack of Sol who the fuck cares?

On the ride back to the airport, an American lady took photos from inside our fast moving mini-van with tinted windows, on her 1 mega-pixel cell phone camera. "No, no, they will look great honey", said her husband. What am I loving here? Utter stupidity with no bad consequence.

Customs, taxi, concierge, security. All personnel in Acapulco seem to wear crisp white shirts with military style stripes on the shoulders. Quasi-officialdom. Great.

After a protracted journey home, to be met at the door by Isobelle the Cat is a delight. Even at 2am it's a pleasure to hear her purring like a cheap Suzuki motorbike. When you think she cannot get any cuter, she burrows under the covers and falls asleep between us.

No comments: