Thursday, December 13

Nobody cares what it is like in YOUR country

I'm trying to stop with the whole "In the U.K ..." start to a conversation (even when co-workers graciously acknowledge a good British TV show over it's diluted US version).

I've lived here for more than 7 years now, so I obviously quite like it. However.

Taxis.

For a country that prides itself on giving good customer service is there any shittier experience than riding in a US cab?

With no sense of hyperbole, I think ALL cabs in Boston have the "car requires service" check light activated.

A Crown Victoria is a huge car, and yet once they fit that stupid center piece, sitting on the back seat feels like an OB-GYN exam. None of the drivers seem to use the security panel so it's removed leaving large protruding flaps of plastic that would leave bizarre scars on my forehead if we crashed ... of which there is every chance, because Boston cab drivers are assholes. They've developed this notion that it's part of the charm of the city that they drive like utter twats.

And don't give me the NYC taxi cab defense. Remove the checkerboard pattern and you're still in a death-trap driven by a guy with umlauts in his name. The only redeeming assurance is that at least most of Manhattan is on a grid. So there will be a sense of geometry to your car crash.

I've no problem putting my suitcase in the hold of an aircraft to be man-handled by a douche bag from US airways, but the US taxi trunk is always some deep filled pit of rusty wheel disease.

Constantly chirping 2-way radios, distracting cell phones, lame FM and an air freshener named "Ass/gas with a hint of overly sweet/sweat fruit".

Also. I live in Cambridge and none of the drivers at Logan have any idea of the street names. And then they try to take the Ted Williams tunnel instead of Sumner. It's the wrong direction you shit-head!

As an additional bout of buggery from the City of Boston, taxis are NOT allowed to use FastPass through the tunnel. Instead they have to wait in the long line (while the clock runs) and are charged more than other vehicles. Genuine use of buggery and tunnel in a sentence there.

London taxis are clean and spacious (4 adults and their bags no problem), the drivers while boorish have to know every street within a 30 mile radius. Cabs are wired so that you can speak privately, or you can choose to listen to the driver drone on about how "foreigners" are spoiling England (I said they were boorish). And they can use the special lanes to get you quickly to your final destination.

Listen and learn America.

OK I'm done.

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