Saturday, August 23

Tongue Depresser

With Anne in Ohio I'm alone for the weekend.

Arrived home from work last night at 8.30 to a meowing cat. After a game of Chase the Ribbon (which Isobelle won), I was scratching around for something to do.

So I went to the Emergency Room.

Since Monday my tongue has felt too wide for my mouth. The irritated sides are catching on my razor sharp teeth, creating some discomfort.

Strangely for a design agency we have a number of Doctors on staff. Their conflicting advice had sent me into a tailspin of worry, so it seemed OK-ish to warrant a late night trip to Cambridge Hospital.

Being 2 blocks from my house I drove there. The receptionist was a delight. Like a young Mary Wells, she processed my paper work in a flirty yet calm manner, as I sat to the side in a comfortable chair. She seemed thrilled that so many people shared my name.

I noticed after she processed everyone but me, she applied Purell to her hands. She must have liked me ...

Four things were on my mind. In order of importance:

1. If this is an infection, where the hell did I get it from?
2. Where can I buy a Twinkie? I'm reading a book about them.
3. I hope the urine soaked homeless guy next to me doesn't start a conversation.
4. How turgid a movie is Wedding Date with Debra Messing?

Staff Nurse Carol called me through, and took my vitals. I have kick ass blood pressure. I told her: "Don't drink**, don't smoke."

The absence of, "what do you do?" hinted that she wasn't much of an Adam and the Ants fan.

** except for the 2 Stellas I had after work.

Next I walked to the treatment cube. Handed a smock and told to change. Offer a "You shitting me?" look on my face, and the nurse responds with "OK, then just your top half".

Read Twinkie book, and notice overabundance of signage on medical equipment.

Mr Doctor comes in and tries to find a tongue depressor. Fails. I begin to think my ailment may not be such an 'emergency' issue.

Verdict. Some type of allergic reaction. He prescribes an antihistamine. Looks at my chart and notices that I already take such a medication. Shrugs and says I can go home.

And so my exciting evening finished with me happily falling asleep safe in the knowledge that I don't have some kind of life threating ulceration.


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