Well. This is going nicely isn't it?
On Monday 'the bank', let's call them Bank of Assholes or BoA for short, called to say our loan was turned down!
Some background. On July 13th a different bank told me (in 15 seconds), "You won't get a government backed mortgage because you've been self-employed for less than 18 months".
But BoA said, "Oh, you'll be fine". August 21st close date? Yeah, no worries."
It took them 5 weeks, during which the Loan Officer took a few vacations, to come back and say ... and I'll copy and paste this directly from 2 paragraphs earlier, "You won't get a government backed mortgage because you've been self-employed for less than 18 months".
So on Monday we started ALL OVER AGAIN, with private banks. Submitting every financial document we and my business has ever created in the past 3 years. 3 years of paperwork x 3 banks = A Tree (probably).
Tuesday - Informal approval
Wednesday - Commitment Letter
Thursday - Appraisal
Friday - Closing Day set
And that folks is how you buy a house in a week.
We close on Wednesday.
Could anything still go wrong? Of course!