Monday, November 30

Saturday, November 28

How's it goin' hop-along?

Great event in the Cambridge Starbucks today.

I'm stood in line, vaguely aware of the music playing, when in struts a wise-ass black kid who starts a conversation with the middle aged white guy stood behind me.

BK: "You like the jazz huh?"
WG: "Yeah"
BK: "This is Herbie Hancock man ... jazz genius. This shit's like classical music to me man. This is Herbie's signature syncopated beats"
WG: "Yeah"

One problem. The music playing was Take Five by Dave Brubeck Quartet. I'm going to say that Take Five is probably in the top 5 most recognizable pieces of jazz. It's so obviously not Herbie Hancock.

But of course, middle aged white guy said nothing ... and neither did the next white guy who got the same jazz chat.

And as I walk out, a woman walks in on crutches.

BK: "How's it goin' hop-along?"
Woman (clearly shocked): "Erm, not too good"
BK: "Don't worry baby, you'll be fine tomorrow"

Crazy bastard. But not a jazz aficionado.

Thursday, November 26

All we're trying to do is win the MF-ing game

Broncos coach just went postal with his team on live TV.

Update: NFL Network apologized for the 'audio' clip of Josh McDaniels.

Awesome.

This kid rocks

Wednesday, November 25

Funny Story

Is the phrase my accountant uses to preface any non-work related story. His stories are often funny, sometimes not, but at least you know when he says "Funny Story", that is your cue to smile and get a small laugh ready.

Funny Story.

So get a smile and small laugh ready.

I was driving into work this morning, listening to "There is a Light that Never Goes Out", by The Smiths, when my 'low fuel' light came on.

Not quite Comedy Gold, but maybe a Bronze?

Sunday, November 22

How handy are you?

As I constructed the furniture yesterday I had a random shuffle of music playing, and I imagined how good or bad some of the singers would be at home improvement. Here's a sampling.

NOT GOOD
Kylie Minogue. Pop pixie, but rank with a hammer
Robert Smith of The Cure. No way can this miserable bastard be bothered with dowels
The Thrills. Saw them live. Good band, but seem a little dim
Alicia Keys. Knows shit about her brother Allen
Skeeter Davis. Will feel sorry for herself as soon as she reads the 5 page instructions
Charles Manson* I imagine Tex did all the self-assembly furniture for The Family
Blur. Would argue about which direction the furniture should take. Wankers.
Beyonce. Really?
Pink Martini. Don't strike me as being heavy lifters
Lauryn Hill. I wouldn't trust her to fold an ironing board

GOOD
James Brown. Legally starts all columns with the title 'Good'
Those Darlins'. Boozy southern belles, know their way around a screwdriver
Shirley Bassey. Former lathe operator. (I made this up)
Neko Case. Competent DIY enthusiast
Maxwell. Owns a Silver Hammer
Tom Waits. Could make a chair out of the sideboard pieces
Joe Cuba. When you write a song called Bang Bang ...
Madonna. She'll do it in the style of an English cabinet maker.
Amy Winehouse. The most logical and sharpest mind in the music industry today
Chris Isaak. Nailed a few things in his time

* Actually listened to Helter Skelter by the Beatles

Oh. Here are the 2 constructed pieces.

Saturday, November 21

Who's the Man II?

Fuck-a-doodle!!

I put the sides on back to front.

Time to de-construct the whole damn thing and start again.

And I was doing oh so well.

Who's the Man?

Well I guess today that will have to be me.

Crate & Barrel just dropped off this ...



... in piece format.

Tools required (insert your own joke here), just a screwdriver and allen key.

How hard can this be?

Wednesday, November 11

Wii Fit Boxing Coach

I was driving up Broadway tonight to go see the new $92 million (I shit you not) library in Cambridge.

It was closed by the way.

Back to Broadway. There's a series of one way streets running complementary, and the doink in front of me kept doing the 'slow down before a junction' move.

(s)he (un)successfully managed to indicate four consecutive times to repeatedly turn the wrong way, down each of the one way streets.

Finally the tool performed an illegal left and pulled a 5 point U-Turn.

Much like the Wii Fit Boxing Coach I was repeatedly shouting left, right, left in a humiliating fashion at this prize-winning mule.

Well why wouldn't you?

Some of the little kiddies of Beverly chose today's Veterans' Day to go all Urban Warfare on our asses!

As I eat my lunch there are 10 kids with BB Guns patrolling our parking lot. They are all dressed in goggles, with bandanas over their mouths. I would call this look "Militia Nerd".

I knocked on the window and one of them jumped a mile in the air, then did some gesture with two fingers pointing at his eyes, which I think meant, "Don't give away my location,"

They appear to have no problem walking through people's yards with their rifle and hand gun replicas.

Where's a sniper when you need one? Oh ... they executed the DC guy yesterday. Sorry, didn't mean to be inappropriate, I'll leave that to the 12 year guerillas who are no doubt scratching my car right now.

Friday, November 6

Helpful


Look at the little snowflake next to the temperature (39°F) in the bottom right corner.

How else would I have known it was snowing/freezing on the road today without this helpful graphic?

Oh that's right, I have a windshield made of a transparent substance, so I can see the big fucking snowflakes falling right in front of me. That's how.

The other point of note here is that when I took this photo the AMI (Audi Media Interface) was playing Yeah! by Usher.

I'm in the club with my homies, tryna get a lil V-I, keep it down on the low key, cause you know how it feels.

Indeed.

That's Christmas taken care of then

Link here

Monday, November 2

Audible groan from the M.R.S.

My long suffering, eye-rolling Anne has consistently rejected my request to buy a wine rack.

Her reasons seem extremely flimsy.

1. We only buy one or two bottles at a time
2. I'm allergic to fruit - my tongue breaks out in hives after 1 glass
3. I am being pretentious
4. I'm attempting to impress Didier, our friend and bon vivant/viveur ... I never know which one to use (thus slightly challenging point #3)

Well hold on to your hat my dear, because instead I'm going to start using this



That's right, wine collection management software. Grab the Blue Nun, we've got some data entry to do ....