Sunday, November 22

How handy are you?

As I constructed the furniture yesterday I had a random shuffle of music playing, and I imagined how good or bad some of the singers would be at home improvement. Here's a sampling.

NOT GOOD
Kylie Minogue. Pop pixie, but rank with a hammer
Robert Smith of The Cure. No way can this miserable bastard be bothered with dowels
The Thrills. Saw them live. Good band, but seem a little dim
Alicia Keys. Knows shit about her brother Allen
Skeeter Davis. Will feel sorry for herself as soon as she reads the 5 page instructions
Charles Manson* I imagine Tex did all the self-assembly furniture for The Family
Blur. Would argue about which direction the furniture should take. Wankers.
Beyonce. Really?
Pink Martini. Don't strike me as being heavy lifters
Lauryn Hill. I wouldn't trust her to fold an ironing board

GOOD
James Brown. Legally starts all columns with the title 'Good'
Those Darlins'. Boozy southern belles, know their way around a screwdriver
Shirley Bassey. Former lathe operator. (I made this up)
Neko Case. Competent DIY enthusiast
Maxwell. Owns a Silver Hammer
Tom Waits. Could make a chair out of the sideboard pieces
Joe Cuba. When you write a song called Bang Bang ...
Madonna. She'll do it in the style of an English cabinet maker.
Amy Winehouse. The most logical and sharpest mind in the music industry today
Chris Isaak. Nailed a few things in his time

* Actually listened to Helter Skelter by the Beatles

Oh. Here are the 2 constructed pieces.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now that's funny!
And good job by the way...
--dq

The Crap Blog Detective said...

I have always wondered who would buy that cheap Ikea crap. Now I know.

Btw, you have a poor taste in music.

oucheba said...

Thanks Crap Blog Detective! Agree with your comments. Although you're not a very good writer are you? Guess that's why you detect!