Sunday, April 18

Hookers don't kiss

In the Logan airport lounge last week, a beautiful woman in a short black dress sat next to me. Her phone rang, and in a heavy Russian accent she told the caller that she had met a nice 51 year old gentleman on this trip.

She continued to chat and sit alone for the next hour, and as we boarded she checked-in, just in front of me, still alone.

So this is how we lined up when we first boarded. You'll notice I have labelled the Russian woman a whore. Harsh I know. That's why there's a question mark.

So, Indian woman and her kid were restless. Indian woman tries getting dude's attention. Sadly for her, the dude has his pussy goggles on and is engaged in giggles and titters with Russian Whore?.

Finally, tired of saying excuse me, Indian woman taps dude on the arm. He turns. She asks, "Can we switch places so my kid can sleep in the middle 2 seats overnight?"

"No", he replies.

I'm not editing because I'm a lazy typist. He just said no. Nothing else. And so he went back to macking on the sexy Soviet.

At this point nice guy said he would switch with Indian woman and Indian kid. I was happy, I got the center armrest in the deal. Meanwhile dude and Russian Whore? sidled on up to each other, and increased their eye to eye contact and small talk.

5 hours later ... Wow, those tablets really do make me drowsy. Lucky for me I had no heavy machinery to operate. I awake to this scene.

Russian Whore? is laying on dude's lap. Which way is her face pointing? Crotch side. Russian Whore?'s face is smushed up against dude's Stonewashed jeans.

And I swear at one point I saw the dude calculating if he could bring his tray table down. It's a hard call. You've got a woman 2cm from your junk, but you have no place to sit your coffee.

As the plane prepares to land they are making out. (At this point in a previous telling of the story, my therapist interjected with "hookers don't kiss" - I'll ask him how he feels about this next week).

Canoodling continues through Passport and Customs, but then as they re-enter the public arena, they go separate ways. No goodbye, no friendly ass-slap, not even a peck on the cheek.


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