Wednesday, August 4

I remember when rock was young

No early start!! So we decided to do some calisthenics. Thankfully my sister called mid-workout otherwise I would probably have died.

Coffee in the resort square was supplemented with Sigur Ros playing over the loudspeakers, calling all hipsters!

Ayers Rock airport is the Kylie of airports. Small yet cute. It is also full of overpriced ticky tack of an aborigine theme.

On board (and back in coach) we were sat by a guy who used his camera viewfinder as on-board entertainment for all 3 hours to Sydney.

We had a limo pick us up at Sydney ... well a guy with a Vauxhall Vectra anyway. He liked our bags. Bet he says that to all of his customers. It scored him a $2 tip. Unfortunately in Australia that is a coin. A coin seems like such a cheap tip.

Our fancy Dan hotel is too nice for us, as is the view.

Tonight a 7 course dinner cruise, and more awkward schmoozing. A group of four from my home county of Yorkshire (God's land) were sat close to us. Young guy said, "I don't like wine, I like lager." Good idea to come on a dinner that serves a different wine with each course then ...

Rommel our server was kind even if he is named after a Nazi General. And he slowly got us drunk over the (7) course of the evening.

A faded-beauty cocktail chauntreuse sang jazz standards accompanied by a Japanese pianist.

Sadly the power kept going out. The captain kept apologizing. He was a Captain in a Captain & Tennille manner more than a seafaring leader. This is really audio only, dressed up as video, but you do catch the red dressed singer at the end.

Next to us an Asian girl had a comedy neck to chin injury. Probably too much viola.

Second comedy Asian (sorry if this is offensive), was the photographer, and no we did not buy his wares. He had to come back and re-shoot a bunch of tables. Reason? "No frash".

I tried the oysters. One actually went inside my mouth. But I spat it out again. I am so fucking elegant. I then offered it to Anne (waste not want not) but she declined.

By now the singer was doing Cher songs and Elton John's Crocodile Rock. And I was very drunk. We stumbled, shit-faced, back to the hotel and fell into a deep deep sleep.

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