Sunday, June 26

By the time I get to Phoenix

On my 5 hour flight to Phoenix Friday, the Japanese guy in the window seat had to go pee 3 times. He was as apologetic as hell each time, but really? 3 times?

On-board, the mustached flight attendant (male fortunately), pushed the food cart down the aisle and instead of the usual "Any food purchases?" line he went with the rather obscure, "Any items from the Air Café?"

Air Café? You're selling 1,300 calorie snack boxes not delightful pastries and Italian beverages.

Phoenix was hot, quelle surprise!

The Advantage car rental guy tried in vain to get me to spend more with a collection of insurances and pre-pays, and finished with a reminder to avoid driving into Mexico. To be fair I look like a cartel guy.

My hotel was one of those "Hotels of America", which means it is old yet cool, invariably haunted and decidedly noisy. I had frat boys on one side and family of four with pesky teenagers to the other. I heard every conversation they had, including the one at 1am when the hotel manager came and told the guys to pipe down and go to sleep. Amen.

I got up at 4am on Saturday and made as much noise as possible. Flushed the toilet repeatedly, sang in the shower and put the Weather Channel on ... apparently it was going to be a hot one in Phoenix (shocking).

The valet guy looked like Quentin Tarantino, and coincidentally, much like QT's movie construction style, the valet's directions to the airport where non-linear. That's fine for Pulp Fiction, but in my experience directions need to be in the correct sequence.

Finally, on the flight home I sat patiently to see who I would be sat next to. As I saw 2 cowboy hatted guys enter the plane I instinctively knew. And sure enough they had middle and window. Upon second glance, as one of them put his saddle in the overhead locker, I realized they were the guys from The Amazing Race.

Here's what I liked about them. 5 hour flight. No books, music, food, drink or talking. And best of all, no peeing.

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