Saturday, February 25

The valve is not working ...

It's so damn early that even the birds were telling us to shh as we set off for Logan. We're heading for Belize today, and we appear to have wrangled a First Class upgrade. What could go wrong?

"Hot nuts sir?", said the flight attendant. And before I had a chance to draw a giggle from my holster she popped a ramekin down on the divider.

And with warm nuts in my mouth, I relaxed as we taxied away from the gate en route for a week of sun ... only to hear the pilot let us know that something wasn't working.

"Not sure if it's important be we figure we should go back and check", said the guy with the wings.

The engineers aren't 100% positive either. Suddenly they're fingering through a Haynes manual for a 737.

We left late and so we missed the connection in Miami. Consequently I had to phone the resort in Belize. My fluency in Creole translated back to English was "Don't worry".

Miami is awesome. Full of perma-tanned twits who think they are Don Johnson ... if only Don Johnson was an overweight middle eastern guy.

These 2 playas were sat next to us in Row 1. iPods playing Euro trash house music, turned up to 11. That relentless tinny beat of "pechu, pechu" filtering through their Bose headsets as the poor flight attendant tries to demonstrate where the doors are on the plane before passing hot towels with a pair of tongs.

It was not sunny on the plane, but these nozzles kept the Ray-Bans primed all the way to Belize City.

Also, tampering with, disabling or destroying the lavatory smoke detectors is prohibited by law. We really need all 3 of those? I'd leave it at tampering, you cannot do the other 2 without a bit of tampering.

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