Friday, June 1

Cereal Killer

My sister is a nurse. She probably saves lives.

I say probably, because I think she works on the ward for old people who have broken bones.

So she exists somewhere in the space between serial killer Dr Harold Shipman and all-round medical goody two-shoes Florence Nightingale.

I do way more morally rewarding work. What I do saves lives.

Today I will be removing 7 almond pieces from a cereal photo that contains 13 pieces.

Why? Because the photographer and stylist don't live in reality. That's why.

They don't understand the physical suffering and mental torture of the hapless consumer who only gets 6 almond pieces per serving of this particular cereal.

I'll also be adding 'Serving Suggestion', in case the same hapless consumer purchases the cereal and mistakenly thinks the milk and bowl are included inside the carton.

Now, put on your helmet, because I'm about to blow your mind. Perhaps if the milk was included my sister wouldn't have a ward full of oldies with osteoporosis.

Circle of life.

Back to Harold Shipman. He committed suicide in prison in my home town of Wakefield.

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