Saturday, November 10

Goddam Guam

After 12 hours in the air, the plane found it's way to the tropical island of Guam. At least I presume it did, because when we took off they announced there would be no in-flight TV working, and when we landed it was dark outside.

So for now we had 10 minutes of leg-stretch in an airport lounge of a tropical island.

There's a Home Depot close by.

Back on board, and with the doors shut, they announced there was electrical problems and we would be delayed ... for 3 hours. During which time we had to stay on the plane.

As the sun rose I can tell you that Guam looks lovely ... from a plane.

As The Smiths once sang, "Sheila take a bow", and our flight attendant Sheila was lovely. Plying us with drinks and snacks the whole time we sat at the gate. I even had a chance to chat, something I usually hate, but Sheila was an interesting diversion in an otherwise back-aching delay.

A full 17 hours into flight, we took off again for Manila. The fella in the seat across from me had an iPhone, iPad Mini, and iPad, and on both take-offs he ignored the requests to switch off electronics. Every 3 seconds he would swipe his finger on his iPad to play a shot, then pull his glasses down from his forehead to look out of the window, only to push them back a few seconds later. He repeated this move for a good 20 minutes. He also looked like the little naked chap who jumped out of the trunk in The Hangover.

In front of me, an American guy who looked like a model from a middle-aged clothing catalog (rugged middle-aged with salt and pepper hair) decided he needed to switch shirts, so he just stood up in the middle of the aisle and changed. As he stood there with no shirt on he even had time to ask Sheila for a second cup of coffee.

And so into Manila. By now I had missed my connection to Hong Kong, but Sheila let me know I would take the next flight ... as would my bag.

After landing I was walked to the departure lounge, by-passing passport control. With me was a woman who looked like a cross between Dolly Parton and Barbara Windsor. In other words, 4ft 10" in height with comedy sized tits.

She was not happy. But she'd be even unhappier in about 3 hours time.

On-board to HK, I was sat next to a guy who looked a lot Dick Cheney.

As you fly from Manila to HK you can see the sea below and hundreds of huge ships ferrying about freight.

Once in HK, passport was a breeze, but when the bags hit the carousel 3 of us were left waiting. Cheney, Tits McGee and me.

I'm somewhat of an expert at losing my bags in China, so with a Zen-like calm I hit the rost ruggage counter. "Dude you're calm", I imagined them saying as I described my bag.

Meanwhile tits was going full pelt at the kid behind the counter with the Chinese comedy villain beard.

Behind us Dick Cheney just glared.

"How long you in Hong Kong for Mr Taylor?"
"One night - tonight. Then I head for mainland."
"Oh. Difficult"
"Indeed"

I headed for the taxicabs full of confidence I would be wearing the same clothes for the next 4 days.

So I set the date of this post at November 10, but because I crossed the dateline I never encountered this day, jumping straight from the 9th to the 11th.

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