Tuesday, April 30

Percy Pigs

Wish I could stop eating these. But fuck it, I'm on vacation.

Monday, April 29

You had one job to do

Anne supposedly hung up her editing boots when she started her cat business. 

But when it comes to Premiership football and being a pedantic wordsmith, she is surely the most knowledgeable American woman in the game today.


Friday, April 26

Geezers need excitement

Tonight we are staying in Poole. It's our anniversary, and we are traveling from Cornwall along the south cost to end up on the Isle of Wight tomorrow.

We walked into town and picked a simple looking Italian restaurant for dinner.

As we were seated the couple behind me caught my eye. He was your typical southern tough boy in designer jeans, tight Fred Perry polo shirt, blingy watch and crew-cut hair. And a faint whiff of an expensive cologne that somehow still managed to smell like Lynx/Axe body spray.

His 'bird' had a bottle of peroxide on her hair which was pulled in a horizontal pony tail. Classic Essex girl type, with a trowel full of make-up, probably her only overseas experience were her French manicure and a Brazilian wax.

Twice during dinner he got up. Weak bladder I presumed, but when he got up a 3rd time I started to think drug dealer. But this last time I noticed he walked past the window outside.

As if by cue, the chickadee stood up and started saying, "Excuse me, excuse me". The owner walked over and then the ridiculousness started.

Pointing at her their plate of potatoes she said there was a shard of glass in the food.

"Where?", said the owner dabbing his index finger onto the edge of the plate.

"Well you just moved it didn't ya?", she replied.

A 2 minute discussion ensued which finished with the owner walking away shaking his head. A minute later she got up and headed for the door.

"Not so fast lady", shouted the owner.

What could politely be called 'a scene' was developing as the discussion escalated, but hot damn if he didn't make her pay.

And so she left to no doubt meet up with her fella and plan next Friday's restaurant scam in another local eatery.

We skipped dessert and headed to Asda to buy something chocolatey. Because nothing says romantic anniversary evening like a bit of cheap chocolate from aisle 12.

Thursday, April 25

Pad-Stein

We've had a great 2 days in Padstow the tiny fishing village that Rick Stein has turned into a gastro-go-to.

On the first night in the Seafood restaurant we sat next to a guy who acted like the Major in Fawlty Towers. But even he was eclipsed by the tiny Welsh wizard rugby dynamo Jonathan Davies, who was sat 2 tables away from us. 

I just pulled this shot off of Google, but I kid you not, he was wearing the same scarf. Now I didn't play International rugby in both codes, so I have no idea how much money he made, but if I had to guess it should have been enough to have multiple scarves.

The 2nd night we ate at the Bistro, which was just as good except we weren't as hungry because we had spent the day eating Cornish pasties, cream scones, fresh flapjack and Cornish fudge.

Pumping up the Cornish economy? You're welcome.

Here's the view from our super-posh Rick Stein accommodation (yes he owns half of the hotels here too).


Tuesday, April 23

Clutch Hitter

After a terrific train journey through the English countryside we arrived in Plymouth and headed for the Avis office.

We got an upgrade! A BMW 3-Series.

It's been a while since I drove a manual car. My old Fiat was simple. It had four gears so each one occupied a corner that you pushed towards.

This tricky driving machine has 6, and I'll be damned if I can find 3rd gear. So each time I move from 2nd gear I either:

Hit 5th: And the car just dies
or
Hit 1st: And Anne turns into a bobble-head device.

Today at a temporary traffic light on a uphill slope I think I mistakenly held the engine in 3rd gear without stalling.

The car is a diesel also and we couldn't get rid of the burning smell for 20 minutes after.

Oops!


Monday, April 22

Spot the Difference

In 1999 we went to Cornwall for our anniversary. We'll always remember it as the trip when Jill Dando was killed.

So it was with much anticipation 14 years later that we scanned the news for any mention of, perhaps, Carol Vorderman? Alas, no micro-UK-celebrity death occurred today but we can ween some details from these 2 photos.

1. The purple doesn't work
2. The phone box has seen better days
3. I appear to have shrunk based on the height of the new photo
4. Anne is pretty whatever the weather

Friday, April 19

500 Days of Bummer

As ever, Fox are always on point with the facts. Turns out Zooey Deschanel was the worst Russian bad guy since Harrison Ford starred in that goofy submarine movie.


Tuesday, April 16

Not a Mule

Frustrating trip to the doctor's office today.

I've had bad back pain for a few weeks and my pain-killer is due to run out at the weekend which is also when I head out on vacation.

CVS won't refill the prescription ahead of time, and my doctor is on vacation.

The nurse who takes vital statistics all day long could not do simple math. 90 pills divided by 6 a day equals 15 days of pills.

I've been grilled like I'm an opiate addict. Except my pain-killer is not an opiate.

Tools!

Saturday, April 6

One of them there liberal drinks

Shopping in the burbs of Cleveland today and we ran across this telling sign posted above flavored water drinks.

Only poofs and hippies drink that stuff, and there appear to be neither in the vicinity.