Wednesday, May 29

100% Beaver is sure to evade the spam filters

In a strange echo to an old Abba video, Anne and I sit back-to-back each morning, reading our own respective news feeds, each on our own respective computers.

Anne usually finds bizarre deaths less funny than me, but she could not stop laughing as she read this story out loud. Especially the latest in a series comment

A beaver has attacked a 60-year-old fisherman in Belarus, slicing an artery and causing him to bleed to death.

It was the latest in a series of beaver attacks on humans in the country, as the rodents, who have razor-sharp teeth, have turned increasingly aggressive after wandering near homes, shops and schools.

Full article.

Meanwhile, I was scanning the sports page of the BBC, where this excellent fuck you was written.

When asked by BBC cricket correspondent Jonathan Agnew if England had been at "100%" during their victory, Flower responded: "I'm sure when you reflect on your broadcasting today you wouldn't have been at 100%; none of us operate at 100%.

And although I love Andy Flower's quote he is obviously wrong. It's actually possible to give 110%. I learned that from watching interviews with mathematicians athletes.

Wednesday, May 22

They just keep on fucking up

CNN had this last night,

Hot on the heels of this,

Not forgetting this,

Clown Shoes.

Wednesday, May 15

Saturday, May 11

I've only gone and proved that God exists

Driving home today in my zippy black Audi, I sensed a red BMW behind me was wanting to speed past me, so I accelerated knowing we would both have to stop at a light further down the road.

As the light changed, I sped away and the BMW, stuck behind another car in the next lane, did a quick over-take and then hit full gas to speed past me.

As he flashed by he looked over at me.

I was sort of looking his way, but really I was looking at the cop up ahead who must have been checking his calendar to see if it was his birthday.

It was. And he pulled over the twat in the BMW.

Tuesday, May 7

Happy Birthday

To my Dad.

Here he is maintaining his competitive spirit last Christmas with the Ellen Cow Ball game.

And as a side note to our cleaners, this also explains why we had post-it notes stuck to our floor, containing such remarks as "World Record".

Saturday, May 4

Live in the US?

Then simply just ditch your other blades and sign up for this.

Friday, May 3

Too Cool

Anne loves buying magazines in England. It seems like each of the women's titles gives away a free something every edition. (make-up kit, mascara, tote bag, bowling ball, dialysis machine ...)

Looks like the men's titles are finally catching on that we like free stuff too. With this month's edition of UK Esquire you could choose from a classic of 20th Century literature.

I went for the Hemingway.

Thursday, May 2

Enough with the countryside already...

It's been a real treat to be back in the UK for 10 days.

We both miss the beautiful countryside. Anne must have taken 50 photos of lambs during the trip.

Along with wonderful Cornish towns and rolling hills we also managed to meet my old bosses and mentors at a party on the IoW, we hung out with mum and dad, with my sister and her brethren, and also caught up with Adrian and Elizabeth and their whip-smart kids.

Way more importantly we also got very addicted to playing these 2 stupid games on our phones!

The one on the left is a take on the 2p coin pusher machines you find at seaside amusement halls.

The one on the right, a word game that creates a very precise set of 6 finger marks on your otherwise shiny pristine iPhone glass.

Wednesday, May 1

You don't see that every day

A peacock using a vending machine?

I had this one as a Cadbury's fan, but it just goes to show I know shit about peacocks.