Thursday, October 9

Good Morning London

I'm opposite the wonderfully named Sam Widges.

This is my first time in the new Kings Cross station. My oh my it got fancy.

Returning home gets trickier each visit as you realize your own reality is becoming more and more redundant with each passing year.

Chip and Pin credit cards have been the norm in the U.K. for about 10 years now, but every time I use my U.S. credit card they have to dust off the old ker-chunk blue-paper copy machine from under the counter.

But I recently got a new credit card that in typical U.S. fashion decided that Chip and Pin was one too many things. This fucker is just Chip.

So as I stood in line at WH Smiths with a bottle of Ribena and a bag of McCoys Crisps (the healthy way to start any morning) I was impressed to see the guy in front of me just wave his card at a machine with some type of radio-wave/wi-fi signal on it.

I strolled up and did the same. Nothing. I could feel the eyes of busy commuters behind me. The chick behind the counter was as much use as a dick made of jelly.

Eventually she said, "Try sticking it in the machine". "Where?", I replied.

Her eyes rolled more than a car transporting Princess Diana.

In the end I had to sign. Immediately after she asked if I wanted a bag. "Sure" I replied.

"It'll be 5p", she said as I noticed the credit card only sign.


I exited and immediately walked into a wonderful scene.

A middle-aged guy (who I imagine I would have looked like if I'd had kids) was balancing 2 large coffees on top of each other as his little princess daughter in white tights and Mary-Janes tugged at his coat.

As he tried to wiggle away she became more demanding (think Veruca Salt in the Willy Wonka movie) and managed to make him knock over the top coffee on his little stack of two.

The coffee spilled over his hand, into his bag, over his laptop and finally came to rest on the shiny new station floor.

His caveman instinct erupted for a split second as he moved to club the little shit to death but of course in true modern-parent mode he didn't even shout. Instead under his breath he gently berated her as he wagged his finger. She grabbed the finger and bent it backwards.


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