Wednesday, November 19

No Dining Room table but ...

As much as I love living in New England the past winter was a real bitch. It felt like we had 5 months of freezing weather.

We were spared this week's Arctic chill as Buffalo got 5 feet of snow (and another 5 on the way), but it's only a matter of time before we're digging out the cars.

So our plan is to officially enter old age this winter and spend a few months somewhere warmer.

Specifically we're planning to return to the Bay Area (where we met!) for much of January and February.

This week Anne is spending time in Marin visiting short-term rental properties - we need a place to live ... while we look for a place to live ... and I still have to work everyday.

Overnight she e-mailed me a video of a cute condo in Tiburon, that is set up for professionals moving to the area who need a few months to stay while they get settled.

A nice kitchen, 2 perfectly acceptable bedrooms, a deck overlooking the bay towards San Francisco, and in the living room?

Naturally, a white piano.

Tuesday, November 18

1 Room Kitchenette

I've noticed that when Anne travels I basically get home from work, make dinner and go to bed and watch TV.

She's in San Francisco for a few days and last night was no exception.

I didn't get home from work until 10.30pm, but I kicked off my shoes, groaned at the junk mail, and then took a sandwich upstairs and ate it in bed as I half-watched Monday Night Football* and skimmed an article about the new Bob Dylan release of the famously bootlegged Basement Tapes. I had no idea he wrote the Mighty Quinn, the terrible Manfred Mann song that everyone I know sings as Mighty Quim.

* In one league I fell 1 point short of a tie. Basically if Kelvin Benjamin had gone for 110 yards instead of 109 I would have had a tie in the bag.

Monday, November 17

Just Silly

We're averaging 10 catalogs a day in the lead up to Christmas.

Here's today's motley collection of nonsense ... except Spanx of course!

Sunday, November 16

Aren't all raccoons Republicans?

We've got a raccoon problem.

It started a few weeks ago just after we had planted winter plants in our garden. The next day the bulbs were on the path and the garden was full of burrowed holes.

Later that week I saw 4 of them playing in the garden. Remembering that Anne had said they can attack you and give you rabies (the fear of all British people - because we don't have it on our island!), I just knocked on the door and they ran off.

This coincided with Anne returning from a visit to Cleveland, so when I met her at the airport I filled her in on the issue.

We got home and she went straight out to check out the damage. Sat on the top of our pergola were 4 raccoons. Reading raccoon body language I'd guess they were giving us the middle finger. Not that I could see them because it was a) dark, and b) I was stood on the balcony away from the danger.

Anne's from Ohio, so she knows what to do, and she proceeded to shine the flash-light from her iPhone at them and make a noise that I would spell out as shhhuuuuffff.

Mission accomplished as someone else once erroneously said.

This past week the fuckers were back again, despite the addition of a sonic blaster set to, "Fuck you up raccoon".

So I ordered a waterproof radio - based on the idea that they are scared of human voices.

This past weekend I set it to NPR, because it's scientifically proven that twattish animals hate liberal do-gooder broadcasters.

So far? No raccoons. Thanks Terry Gross.

Friday, November 14

For the man who has too much

Have to be honest I'm loving the sudden elasticity in the Armani brand.

Everyday is decision day!

Thursday, November 13

Fans of Patriots AND Jets

When she's not rolling her eyes I like to think Anne has a modicum of respect for my stance against every single US sporting event needing the national anthem, and don't get me started on 300 ft US flags.

But she will not back down from her love of a good flyover.

As I headed to work this morning Anne was getting back from a client visit.

"Some F-15s are flying over at 8.15", she said like some sugar-rushed kid on Christmas Day.

Promising to look out for them I headed to work on Memorial alongside the Charles River. I saw hundreds of people stood looking into the horizon waiting for the jets to fly past.

Turns out the jets were 30 minutes late, which is probably the same amount of time everyone was late to work.

This is what I missed. I know ... they could just be fast flying geese from this far away.

I think the F stands for "Fuck Yeah"

Wednesday, November 12

That's Christmas sorted then

I got this creepy piece of junk mail yesterday.

Weird enough they know my wife's name, even weirder that they think I have bad taste.

Monday, November 3

Money's Too Tight to Mention

Mick Hucknall, all round ladies man of the 80s and 90s, and ginger singer of Simply Red announced a comeback tour today.

He looks like Eric Stoltz's mother from the movie Mask.