Sunday, January 8

Back by vaguely popular demand

I’m going to try to blog for 10 weeks while Anne and I spend our third winter in California.

I’ve upped the dosage on the pain meds, so let’s see how long it is before I’m complaining about arm pain again.

Did I mention complaining? Oh, let’s start right there.

We flew here yesterday, as snow moved in on Boston. Meanwhile San Francisco, like a fat uncle at a kid’s birthday party was overcome with wind.

We sat on the plane awaiting clearance to fly. Breathing in the, in absolutely no way carcinogenic, de-icer smell. Outside snow piled up on the increasingly skiddy looking runway.

Once we finally took off, the flight was 6.5 hours long. For context it takes less than 6 to fly to the UK.

Before all the haters start to hate … yes, we were flying First Class, yes a handsome flight attendant did keep passing me hot towels, yes we had an upmarket McDonalds style menu of “Pick 3 from 5”, a signature cocktail with a leaf in it for added class, and we even got a boxed bakery from an NYC place ‘discovered’ by Tom Colicchio of Craft and Top Chef fame. I assume Tom went down some blind alley in the West Village and found some poor immigrants making ‘to-die-for’  brioche doughnuts!

But on the flip side, my pick 3 turned to just pick 2, and they gave me the wrong dish. And I’m too fucking British to complain! And I lost my Lightning to Headphone connector down the side of the seat that reclined 90° to become a fully-fledged bed. So don’t talk to me about pain alright?

In 2015 and 2016 we rented a car from Fox. If Fox was an ice cream, they’d be a supermarket value brand. 

This year we aimed for Ben and Jerry’s with a reservation from Avis.

We got a Kia Sportage. Because I fear I’ve already reached by twat quotient for the day I will say no more about this car.

After a zippy ride from SFO, through San Francisco and to Larkspur we arrived at our apartment.

We rent an apartment in a ‘village’ by the Larkspur ferry and Marin Mart. 

This year’s model actually caught fire last year. We know this because it’s next door to last year’s apartment. And we were evacuated by the Fire Dept at 2am on a rainy March morning.

Smoke damage = new furniture, so everything should be good right? Hmm.

We spent the rest of Saturday night trying to find a 4k monitor. It seems monitors are a thing of the past, like polio and Beanie Babies. Our local Best Buy, Staples and Office Depot had such a shitty collection you’d think you were in Dollar Tree.

We did get to shop in a Sprouts. It’s nice to see my work in there four years after they stopped working with my company! And we visited our storage facility to pick up the essentials … a selection of soaps stolen from upscale hotels, our spice rack, and some cat slippers.

So Sunday morning was a drive to Oakland over the Richmond bridge in a gail-force storm. Oakland’s Best Buy does have monitors. I’m sure there is some demographic reasoning behind this, but I was absent from college the day they taught us about demographics.  I was also absent the day they taught everyone else how to draw (but I still kick-ass at Pictionary).

On my return to the apartment, and $5 lighter because of the toll, the apartment manager informed me that someone else was using my desk (that I bought). Great! Another drive to Oakland, this time to Ikea, still in the pouring rain. 

I hate Ikea. 

Another $5 toll.

But in-between the Oakland trips we collected the rest of our stuff from the storage facility. Clothes packed away 9 months ago almost feel new. Well the one’s that still fit.

And a second grocery-shopping trip! San Rafael’s Whole Foods is still too small. Like 10lb of shit squeezed into a 9lb bag. Only it’s organic shit.

We finished the night watching the Golden Globes. I’m always dazzled by how few actresses my darling wife likes.

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