Monday, January 9

Gym'll Fix It

Today I re-joined the 24 Hour Fitness at the Marin Mart.

An energetic and over-caffeinated young man asked me what my fitness goals were. I considered, “to look just like you”, and “to be able to bounce a dime off of my abs”, but in the end I went with, “a breathless nirvana”. 

He nodded, and moved onto my contact details.

Then in a stupid act of bravado he also asked me my favorite exercise. Because ‘staring at trans-sexuals with pet parrots' wasn’t one of the answers, I said “elliptical” instead. 

I’m praying the parrot owner is still a member. She did a quick walk on the treadmill, while Polly the parrot stood on the plinth. This being the Bay Area nobody blinked an eye.

I’m also hoping the other cast of characters from last year are still here, like the Asian brothel madame, the old guy in the Schmoozer t-shirt who winks at me with both finger-pistols blazing, the Thai martial arts guy who checks himself out in the mirror but never actually exercises, the pair of latinas who sit on the exercise bikes but don’t actually pedal, the ladyboy who does the fruitiest lunges you ever saw, except (s)he is also carrying 50lbs in each hand.

I didn’t actually work-out. Figure that can wait another day.

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